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Eternal Frost Records: Compilation vol II

09/12/04  ||  Lord K Philipson

It’s not every day I get the chance to review a compilation-CD with bands I basically never heard of, and I can’t say I’m nailing my limbs to the floor in despair. Anyways, this shit got sent to me thru regular snail-mail and the least I can do is to review it I guess. 11 bands, 11 songs, out of which I have heard like 2 band-names. Low Twelve (someone interviewed them for the site and I think I am to regret that) and Fallen Empire (becoz I got their EP sent in the same package, lucky fucken me…).

Oh, how I can’t wait to go thru this… Band-names and song titles first, bashings afterwards. Not even you retards can miss out on that.

1. Death by Hate: I will rise

Brilliant moniker for the band. Taxi, taxi, taxi. Some death metal displayed here that’s not all-the-way piss-poor. The production is horse-ass though. It’s actually pretty decent when I think about it. No, not the production, the tune. Blablabla, fuck off now.

2. Fallen Empire: We engage

No, we certainly don’t. I’m engaged to Peter Forsberg, you guys are not going to change that. Thrashier approach in this one with a very small cookie/black metal-monster on vocals and some idiot cheating on the hi-hat for the fast parts. That won’t work for The Lord. Not extremely tight, not extremely good and extremely not interesting. I have heard myself piss-drunk composing better stuff that this. And I truly suck when drunk. The “chorus” gets a few points though for being a bit catchy. The soft middle-shit can eat my nutsack though.

3. Lost In Blue: Lonely blue

No matter how bad a joke this is, it makes me feel very blue. Whatever that means. A production that a pair of trousers would have done a better job with won’t have me jacking off any time soon. Pretty mellow and mid-paced semi-metal bullshit with a somewhat good bassist as far as I can judge. It seems like these guys can play a bit and it’s not all cat-piss. Instrumental stuff that makes no difference to me. “Lost in blue”? Congrats guys, that is one name spawned by everything Teh Suck. Definitely the worst production and definitely the most interesting tune so far, not that it’s saying much.

4. Luminary: To the sky

I just don’t know… Melodic metal. Early In Flames-ish at times but not close to as well-executed. Clean vocals here and there and those vocals are, yes, Teh Suck. Pretty catchy tune some times I’m sad to say, but I guess that’s becoz of the very simple riffs that holds no surprises whatsoever. You have heard these riffs a million times before and you also heard them performed a million times better.

5. Angelfire: To the flames

And here comes Mr. Idonow Howtomakeagoodsoundbecozweareallfuckenidiots into the production-picture again. And as if that wasn’t enough… I believe these are programmings as far as the drums goes… Well, it’s a great achievement to get a drum machine to sound untight, but you guys did it. I’m proud of you. Cock-vocals, cock-riffs, cock-everything. Go fuck yourselves, you stink. Embarrassing. You guys shouldn’t even be allowed to record a fucken CDR. Or own instruments.

6. Vesicant: Shadows of addiction

After a bullshit clean-guitar intro we get some non-impressive drum-intro (2 in one, how nice) that should have stayed in the rehearsal room. The guitarsound must have been recorded with a Boss Heavy Metal pedal into the stereo, that’s how bad I remember that way of doing guitars sounds. Some rockier riffs here with another idiot providing vocals. Leave me alone.

7. Upon Darkness: Annihilation

Wow. I think we finally hit rock-bottom production-wise. Why the fuck would anyone want anything to sound like this? If you don’t have the money to do a decent recording, don’t fucken record. I will forever hate you guys becoz you suck. Or I THINK you suck anyways since I can’t hear much.

8. Societys own: No remorse

Damn, I can almost hear shit here. I dig the little ride-cymbal shit this guy’s doing and that’s about it. If this band only consisted of that ride-cymbal I’d even be able to suffer thru the whole song. Seriously, not all bad. One of the better shit on this shit-disc.

9. Gallows Edge: Abuse

Somewhere in the distant I can hear a guitar. Somewhere up front I can hear the vocalist of Teh Suck. Thank you, but I’m fine. Lemme quote some of your lyrics for you: “Fuck you”.

10. Asrynth: April

I’ll take any month but April, please. I can’t even find the strength to describe this piece of utter cocksucking pigeon-shit.

11. Low Twelve: Kill everything

I have a sticker somewhere saying “Kill everything”. I find more amusement in staring at that for weeks and weeks than to listen to this garbage. Vocals are fine though I guess.

Rating: I can rate your cocks if it makes you feel better. Piss off. Never send me any albums again. I’m not worthy.

  • Tracklist
  • 01. Death by Hate: I will rise
  • 02. Fallen Empire: We engage
  • 03. Lost in Blue: Lonely blue
  • 04. Luminary: To the sky
  • 05. Angelfire: To the flames
  • 06. Vesicant: Shadows of addiction
  • 07. Upon Darkness: Annihilation
  • 08. Societys Own: No remorse
  • 09. Gallows Edge: Abuse
  • 10. Asrynth: April
  • 11. Low Twelve: Kill everything

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